Not So Serious

Today, I felt prompted to write an update today.  I typed "Not So Serious" as the title because it was feeling like sort of a peaceful day when my mom called and said that my dad is being taken to the ER due to severe pain and vomiting, likely caused by a kidney stone.  So, the invincible Brent Hanson may have an Achilles' heel after all.  Just kidding, I am hopeful that he will be out of pain soon.

It has been almost two months since I last wrote, and a lot has happened.  Here are a few highlights in no real order of chronology or importance:

1) We had a wonderful Hanson Beach Week with our family from Virginia, Atlanta, and Texas.  Lots of memories made and love shared. 

2) We found out that Cassie going to have a baby SISTER, and we are naming her Celia after my aunt that we all affectionately call Che Che, but her real name is Celia.  Reese and I are in a Bible study group with couples that between us have 12 daughters, and the first son is arriving in October.  One of our leaders, Jen, felt moved to make a prayer book for us to put a picture of each daughter and a prayer for her in it.  So, I had been thinking a lot about what I wanted my prayer over each of my daughters to be.  Here is what God laid on my heart....

I pray that Cassie would be like Esther--beautiful, worthy of a King, faithful, and fearless in following the unique will of God for her life.

I pray that Celia would be like Ruth--known for her character and her unfailing commitment to God and to her family , and that she would know the joy of being cherished and ransomed by her Redeemer. 
3) Reese and I enjoyed a much needed getaway as a couple (without Cassie) to Maine in August.  We hiked, kayaked, ate good food, enjoyed the company of our wonderful host Martha, toured scenic towns, ate lobster, etc.  We even had an extra day/night of an adventure in Boston due to some unexpected travel changes.  Reese took a picture in front of Harvard's Graduate School building and posted it on facebook saying that he was excited about his first day of class.  Ha.

4) Some changes going on in Reese's business and in my job as well.  All good things, but things that make you stop and take stock of where you are and where you want to go. These have made us press in to the Lord and really seek to quiet the competing noise and listen close for His whispers in our lives about what His unique purposes are for us in this season.  One resounding whisper is that our family and raising our children to know Jesus is our top earthly priority, and we will have to fiercely protect that, even if it means making hard choices.

5) My mom had her second dose of chemo for this go around last Monday, and she is feeling pretty good so far.  We are enjoying every second with her and making the most of all of our time. 

6) My dad turned 60 on September 8th, and we had a fun party at the beach for him. 

7) My cousin Leslie had a baby, Mary Harmon, on September 19, even though she was not due until December 30 (same day as me).  Mom and baby are both getting stronger every day, and we praise God for this new addition to our family and for His neverending mercies as He holds both of them in the palm of His hand. 

8) Cassie is walking, talking, using a spoon, shaking her head "No" often, all in all expressing her freedom and personality.  I am loving her more and more all of the time and enjoying getting to know the little person that God has made her to be. 

So, there was a not so serious post from someone who feels seriously blessed. 

The Bread of Adversity and the Water of Affliction

<sup>Isaiah 30 (Amplified Bible)

15</sup>For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning [to Me] and resting [in Me] you shall be saved; in quietness and in [trusting] confidence shall be your strength.     ¹⁸And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!
    ¹⁹            He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you.
    ²⁰And though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide Himself any more, but your eyes will constantly behold your Teacher.
 
These are my thoughts this morning.....  God does not separate His love, His victory, His favor, His companionship from the bread of adversity and the water of affliction.  We, as humans, want those things to be in two clearly delineated, mutually exclusive categories, but in God's eyes, they are not. He is there in the hurting. He is there in the healing. He is there is the waiting. In fact, His greatest glory and the closest companionship often comes when we choose Him even in adversity. 
 
I am tired today--physically (good, hard 5: 45 a.m. Group Power class taught by my amazing Mom) and emotionally, so I will return to the Lord this morning and rest in Him and find my strength for this day in quiet, trusting confidence in Jesus.  I am looking forward to next week's vacation with all of my extended family--for rest and relaxation on the beach, by the pool, in a rocking chair or swing, with those I love all around me. 
  

The Googly Eye Incident

The other day Cassie was in her car seat in YaYa's car and found a little bear with googly eyes in the seat, likely left by big cousin Lanier, to play with.  I just noticed while I was buckling her up that the bear had two eyes.  Then, I just happened to notice as I finished buckling her up and putting her bag in the car that the bear only had one eye and Cassie was rolling something around in her mouth.  So, of course, I press her little cheeks together so she will open her mouth and risk my index finger by putting it inside her new little sets of upper and lower teeth and start fishing for the googly eye.  She is howling and bucking and pushing me away with all of her might.  She wants my finger out of her mouth.  She does not understand why I am messing with her.  She does not know what I know--which is, my removing the googly eye is the best thing for her.  I am doing it because I love her dearly and am protecting her from harm of which she is unaware.  All she knows is that she is mad as fire at me right then. 

I do persist and eventually extract the googly eye from her mouth as hot, angry tears stream down her face. Then the most natural but remarkable thing happens....she reaches out for me, the very "cause" of her pain and anger a moment ago, to hold her, to comfort her, to soothe her, and to remind her that it is all ok.  She is mad at me, but I am all she wants. 

This is where I am with the Lord right now.  I don't want His finger in my life, messing with me, messing with my Momma as her cancer is back and aggressively growing in her body, causing or allowing pain.  I don't want it.  I don't understand why this is necessary, why in His sovereign goodness that this is the only way for Him to accomplish what He needs to for His greatest good, for the most people, for the greatest amount of time.  I just feel hurt. 

But, I reach for Him desperately for my comfort--seeking to lay against His chest and be held and comforted because there is no where else that I can go. 

And just like I understood Cassie's seemingly paradoxical reactions towards me and did not love her any less, maybe only loved her more tenderly at that moment because I knew I had confused and hurt her even if it was for her good, Jesus understands me and is close to me in my brokenhearted state today. He does not stop doing what He needs to do to accomplish His purposes,  but He holds me close and whispers tender words of comfort and peace. 

Psalm 34

¹⁵ The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
   and his ears are attentive to their cry;
¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
   and saves those who are crushed in spirit.